The power of a good compliment
Sometimes I feel like I’m bragging when I say this, but honestly I receive so many more compliments (from strangers!) than I ever did before I started Joyfully Dressed and dressing for my colour season. (I know lots of you say the same!)
It’s become a running joke in my family. My daughter will roll her eyes and say, “Mum, another compliment.” When we were in Edinburgh recently, two different people commented on my appearance in the space of one afternoon. And here’s the thing — it’s not because I’m floating around in “fashion week” outfits every day, I was just wearing jeans and a jumper in my colour season. It’s because I’m wearing colours and clothes that light me up, and I honestly think that energy and confidence is noticeable.
It’s also now a given that if I see someone dressed in a Joyful way I love, I’m going to go out of my way to tell them. Recently, on a packed underground carriage, I spotted a woman who looked absolutely divine. We were so sardined in that I couldn’t get her attention without practically shouting over a crowd, so I kept it in for a while. Thankfully, when the carriage emptied out, I walked straight over to tell her how wonderful she looked. My husband just laughed and said, “I could see you were absolutely bursting to do that” and he was right. It was spilling out of me, I would have been so annoyed if I hadn’t got the chance to tell her that seeing her look so happy and wonderful had bought me loads of joy.
Why Compliments Feel So Good
I did a bit of research for this Joydrop, and Psychologists have actually studied this, a genuine compliment lights up the same reward centre in the brain as getting a cash reward, eating your favourite food, or hitting a big personal goal. Your brain releases dopamine (the “feel good” chemical), which is why you get that little rush of warmth when someone says something kind about you.
Even better? Compliments have a social bonding effect. They make us feel seen, valued, and connected, which is something humans have craved since the beginning of time.
And here’s the lovely bit: they don’t just feel good for the person receiving them, they feel good for the person giving them too. Psychologists call this the “helper’s high”, when you do something kind for someone else, your brain releases its own hit of feel-good chemicals. It boosts your mood, strengthens your own sense of confidence, and even makes you more likely to seek out positive connections again.
It’s why, when you give someone a genuine compliment and see their face light up, you walk away with a smile yourself. You’ve created a moment of connection, and your brain loves that just as much as theirs does.
Why We Don’t Give (or Accept) Them Enough
Despite the fact they make us feel so good, most people don’t give compliments as often as they could. Research suggests we underestimate how much other people will appreciate them, we worry it might be awkward, or that the person will think we’re being insincere.
And then there’s the receiving part. How many times have you brushed off a compliment with, “Oh, this old thing?” or “Thanks, but it was in the sale”? We do it without thinking, but it robs both us and the giver of that positive moment.
I remember very early on in JD, we had a conversation about compliments and even set a little challenge: give out as many as you could. One member told me her daughter had started giving compliments to strangers because she’d seen her mum doing it and was copying the behaviour. That’s the ripple effect in action, kindness passing from one person to another, often without us even realising.
And here’s the thing: every time you comment on someone’s post in the group, even if it’s not a direct “You look amazing,” you’re creating the same effect. You’re showing someone you’ve noticed them. And that matters. (Which is why I always bang on about not posting and ghosting 😉)
How to Give Better Compliments
A good compliment is specific and sincere. Instead of “You look nice,” try:
“That colour makes your eyes sparkle.”
“Your hair looks gorgeous today, it really suits you.”
“That dress fits you beautifully.”
“Your earrings are perfect with that top.”
“Your lipstick is such a lovely shade on you.”
“You’ve got such a confident way of carrying yourself.”
“That jacket is so you, I love it.”
“Your outfit looks like it was made for you.”
“Those shoes are fabulous, they pull the whole look together.”
When you get specific, it shows you’ve really seen the person and that’s the magic.
Though I would say to steer clear of comments about weight, “flattering,” or anything that could be interpreted as judging their body. Keep it focused on colours, style choices, and the joy they’re radiating, that way the compliment feels uplifting and safe for the person receiving it.
How to Accept Them Gracefully
Now, let’s be real. Sometimes it’s not easy to know how to respond to a compliment. It can feel awkward, a bit embarrassing, and make us squirm (but we are going to actively move away from that feeling). And sometimes, depending on the delivery, you might even find yourself wondering if it was genuine or a bit of a backhanded put-down 🙄.
We’re dressing joyfully, for ourselves, in a way that doesn’t hide us anymore. For some people, that might feel “a lot.” It might even make them uncomfortable about themselves. That’s on them, not you.
My advice? Even if you’re not sure, fake it till you make it. Wholeheartedly take the compliment at face value, don’t overthink it. Keep it simple: smile, say thank you, and echo back what they’ve said.
“I love that colour on you.” → “Oh, thank you — I love this colour too.”
“That dress looks amazing on you.” → “Thank you, I love this dress too.”
It’s gracious, it’s confident, and it shuts down the urge to diminish yourself. Because when you accept a compliment fully, you honour the giver and yourself.
A little cheeky extra challenge on top of our current challenge ;)
Give one genuine compliment a day, to a friend, a colleague, or a total stranger. And when someone gives you one? Smile. Say thank you. Let it land.
Because the power of a compliment isn’t just in receiving one. It’s in starting a chain reaction of confidence and connection, one that, if you’re anything like me, might just become an addictive part of your every day life.